Why I Won’t Be Seeing This Movie: The Soloist

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February 25, 2009 by MK

Hi,

I’m Jamie Foxx.  And I want to win another Oscar.  As my costar Robert Downey, Jr. says, I may even go “full retard” to do it.  Whatever it takes to get up on that stage again and get everyone to be a part of my really cool trip.  Just wait ’til you hear the call-and-response I have worked out for this acceptance speech.  Let’s get to the nomination worthy particulars:

Real-life story of character that’s had a rough go at it?  Check.

A tremendously bad hairdo?  Check.

Funky, self-made visor that flat-out proves I can act quirky?

jamie-foxx-the-soloist2

Check.

Musical instrument to be “learned” that makes for great copy about the “lengths I went to for this role?”  Check.

Character with diminished mental capacity?  Check.

Also homeless?  Check.

Also triumphant?  Wow, check.

Ample opportunity to make this face?

jamie_fox

Double-check.

This movie sucks.

And I haven’t even seen it.

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