The Patented Rolling Stone 5-Star Review: U2 Edition

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February 23, 2009 by MK

u2-no-line1

Say it ain’t so. U2’s new record, No Line on the Horizon, has gotten the patented Rolling Stone 5-star treatment.  This one of course being “their best since” Achtung Baby.  And, apparently, Bono is in fine, masturbatory form:

Bono knows he was born with a good weapon for making the right kind of trouble: the clean gleam and rocket’s arc of that voice.

Well, one thing’s for sure.  Their career is over.  It’s all obligatory from here on out.

They’ve joined the Rolling Stone 5-Star Rushmore of Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen.

So, by all means, record Larry Mullen, Jr. taking a dump and release it.  You’ll get your 5 stars.

In the spirit of truly 5-star U2, here’s their top 3 all time:

1.  Achtung Baby [1991]

achtung-baby

Eleven years into their career, U2 lets their inner-Eno take over.  One of the coolest reinventions in rock history.

Best Song:  The Fly

2.  The Joshua Tree [1987]

joshua

A [Super]star is born.  Not many albums do “soaring anthem” better.

Best Song:  Where the Streets Have No Name

3.  The Unforgettable Fire [1984]

u2uf

Wide open spaces and The Edge’s guitar come to a climax on the record’s Best Song, Bad.

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3 thoughts on “The Patented Rolling Stone 5-Star Review: U2 Edition

  1. Jerry MaDick says:

    Unbelievable. They’re handing 5-stars out like they’re free passes to the strip club after a sporting event.

  2. shiftlesswhenidle218 says:

    1. U2 hasn’t done anything special since Achtung Baby. I haven’t listened to No Line yet, but their previous two albums were just plain awful.
    2. The Joshua Tree is one of the most overrated albums ever.
    3. War is U2’s best album.

  3. […] we’ve already lamented the fact that Rolling Stone sent U2 to the showers early with that obligatory 5-star review.  But now that […]

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